I know I haven't been on as much as I would like. I do come and read every day though. I am happy to say that I have lost what I gained over and above my starting weight and that I have also lost another 2 pounds, so I am now down to 188. I am proud of you all for doing this so well and being so committed. I have come to the realization that alcohol is my nemesis. Especially with this weather. I enjoy sitting on the deck at night when the kids have gone to bed and having a drink, but that has come to a stop.
Andrea - I am so proud of you, your level of dedication is very inspiring.
Stephie - you are my world, what can I say.....I LOVE YOU so very much and I am sorry I never realized what has gone on. Just know that you are amazing and beautiful and your friends and family love you so much.
Mandy - You have done a great job, and I am proud of you too! I know that you will reach your goals because you aspire to and in September when we all meet, we are going to celebrate!!!
Thank you to all of you for keeping me level and my head in the game.
All of you have talked about what brings you to this point in your life, so I would like to share mine, but please keep it between us.
I guess it all began when I was sexually abused by a family member (Stephie, you don't know this cause I never told you). I have always felt that there was something wrong with me for this person to do that to me. It wasn't continuous over the years but it was enough. For this reason, I don't like it when people, especially men look at me, it makes me feel self conscious - like what are they thinking - so I guess I have let myself go so that I could just blend into the background. I know that people like me for my personality and that I am a good person, and I was always fine with that, I was always okay with being the nice girl. But now, I am no longer okay with that. I want my marriage to be better, I want to feel like I can go into any clothing store and buy whatever I want, not just the stuff off the plus size racks. I have accomplished that on the top half, now it's just the bottom half that I have to get on. I know that this abuse was never my fault and I shouldn't let it affect my future - but honestly, even though I can say this I do know that it has. But not no more. I am a good person and I deserve to be happy with myself, whether that be physically or emotionally. So starting today, I am going to be me - because I deserve that and this person I have become is not the person I am. I am not going to let this hinder me for the rest of my life. My life that I want to enjoy, see my kids grow up and grow old with my husband, who loves me unconditionally.
So, thank you all for listening, you don't have to reply to any of this, it just feels good to talk about - Shawn doesn't even really know.
On another note, I am a little perturbed right now. Shawn's dad came home from the grocery store and surprise he got me a carrot cake. Talk about annoying, but guess what.....I am not having any. Especially not after the scale showed me some positive results.
Anywhoooo, I hope you are all having a great day and happy healthy eating.
Love Stacey
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