Steph, you are my hero...........

First off Steph I want to say I am so blessed to have you in my life. To share such a story and to reveal your inner thoughts, pains, etc.... gives me hope and inspires me. It was heavy to read that but it also made me think of some areas that always take me ten steps back when I try to accomplish something. That chick was ignorant and rude, but she was probably also impaired on her recreational items of choice that night that she clearly lost her tact as well. I am sorry you had to hear that and sorry you had to once again put on a brave face because someone cannot shut their damn trap. I could go on but what is the point, what is done is done and that women will never lose a wink of sleep over that comment so moving on.

You are not just beautiful but you are HOT! Your story reminds me of the time that one of the famous tennis chicks was demanding that a steroids test be done on the Williams sisters because in her mind there was no way that they could have bodies like that from natural working out. This story reminds me of every time us "dark girls" walk out of our house are not appreciated for our individual beauty and body types. It's just like J-Lo opening the doors for us to have a booty. If it was not for her we would still be ridiculed for that. Of course now we have to deal with every Sally and Sue who tells us they want our awesome big butt when really we just want to walk down the street with someone not pointing it out. I feel you sister and keep doing what you are doing.

This too brings me to skeletons in my closet, if that is what we call them. I know I am an over achiever because of many things. One seeing riches to rags life. One day having it all and next having nothing, that is how we grew up and it was tough. I guess I live and work hard to protect that from happening again. My obsession is more so now that Xavier is in my world.

Next, I constantly feel I am too not good enough. I always want to do more, be more, become more not for myself but to shut the critics up in my head whose voices I have heard over the years and in my younger days. Their words stick with me and motivate me everyday. But along with that is moments of despair and crashes because one obstacle does set me back. This is where my emotional eating comes into play. Yes it is because of being poor when I was younger but it also because I seriously find peace and refuge in food. One bag of licorice can literally wipe out several negative thoughts in my head (for that time only). I do know, especially while we all are going through our struggles, trials and tribulations, that short term pain relief does not provide long term solutions.

I appreciate you sharing these stories and I hope to hear more of them from you, Stacey and Mandy. I think this is healing stuff and I am glad I am on this journey with you ladies.

Thank you Steph for being you and blessing me with some powerful stuff. Who knows, you may have just changed me for the better!